I've been to two talks lately where the speaker has mentioned intimacy with God but hasn't elaborated on what it means. That phrase 'intimacy with God' struck a chord when I heard it but I pushed it aside to think about later. Guess what? It's later.
I was in Adoration this week and decided to tell God about my day. I started off relating it like I would to an acquaintance, "Hi God. My day's been fine. I woke up later than I wanted and then just kinda hung around the house for a bit." In other words, I didn't really tell Him anything. Very surface level. Then I stopped and thought, What the heck am I doing? This is God I'm talking to. Of course He knows how my day was and how I was actually feeling. I might as well be honest about it to Him, especially since we're basically sitting face to face. So I started over. "Hi God. I'm gonna be honest this time. I was really bored today. And afraid. My anxiety felt like it was off the charts! I didn't do a lot of what I wanted to or felt like I should have done. I feel like a failure. I'm given so many chances but I feel like I always let them slip away. I never act right when I should. I mean, seriously, what have I been doing since graduation?!"
I really didn't expect an answer in words...but I got one. I heard Him say clearly, "I've been holding you." Believe me, I was in tears after that. OK, I'm kind of getting off track, but I wanted to illustrate my 'discovery' of intimacy with God.
This conversation I had with Him, when I decided to be honest and not hide any of my feelings, was so incredibly powerful and meaningful. It reminded me how well He knows my heart and cares about anything I'm feeling or thinking. I crave to be known and loved. It's a human trait. We want someone to say, "I see you, I love you, and you're not alone."
Many times throughout the day, I have little happy thoughts that I want to share with someone; things that remind me how much I'm loved or how beautiful the world is, etc. I plan on sharing stuff like that with my future husband. I want him to know me better than I know myself. I also want to talk about the mundane stuff, the most average and basic things that happen. I want him to be able to walk through my day with me. And lately I've felt like it's too far away, like I'll be waiting forever. Not true.
All of these desires of mine, I can share with God. Whenever I seek love, I'm really seeking Him. I can tell Him anything and everything, and He'll be there.
I encourage you to give it a try. If you have to, start with the facts of the day. When you stumble across an emotion, whatever it is, tell Him about it. Be honest. Share your heart. I promise it's worth it.